The Largest Burdens
by Ananke
Summary: Just what did Naomi Wildman think about Quarra?


Disclaimer: ST: VOY and all related characters owned by Paramount Studios, no  
copyright infringement  
intended.  
---  
  
Sweet miracle, to see how the largest burdens are carried by the smallest  
children.  
Ardith James  
  
---  
  
Captain's Assistant Log, Naomi Wildman  
  
Stupid report. Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay have given me a choice of  
two topics this week. The first, 'I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus'. Since it  
isn't anywhere near Christmas, and even if he does exist Santa probably doesn't  
visit the Delta Quadrant after all (I saw Neelix sneak one of my presents in  
last year, and Uncle Tom right after him), I don't think I can do that one.  
Besides, my mother doesn't kiss Santa. She doesn't kiss anyone, except...  
  
The second topic is to tell my story about the Quarren planet.  
  
I liked it. No, really. It was pretty, and green, and I never had to worry  
about shorting a panel out orrunning down a Starfleet passageway. They even let  
me stay with my mom, even after the bad things they did to her memory. They  
left me alone, which might be worse, since I remembered everything and no one  
would believe me when I said we were from space, and Voyager. They told my  
mother that I was an 'active-minded child', whatever that means, and that I'd  
stop telling the stories when I got older and realized they were lies. She  
believed them , they made her, and once, but only once, she even screamed at me  
for being 'uncontrollable' and 'distracting'.  
  
No one would listen to me. Until Tuvok. He didn't know who we were, you know,  
his treatments hadn't stopped working right yet, and when he first saw us, he  
didn't remember anything. It was at the bar, lounge, whatever place. Kids  
didn't really belong, but Tom Paris snuck me in, said he had a 'weakness' for  
me. Bet  
he didn't know why.   
  
Anyhow, Tuvok was telling jokes to a bunch of men, the Captain's friend's  
friends, I guess. They didn't think he was very funny, but my mother did. I  
tried to tell her that Tuvok looked sick and never, ever told jokes, but she  
didn't believe me. It's a pain knowing more than your own parent. He talked to  
Mom for a long time  
after the other people left, and then walked us home, and called me 'Miss  
Wildman' but with a smile so I knew I wasn't at all in trouble, even if Tuvok  
smiling is pretty scary in itself. And then Mom said it was time to go to bed,  
which I really hated, but Tuvok offered to tuck me in, just like he said he  
used to do his own  
children, and he looked really sad for a minute, and I asked him to tell me a  
Vulcan bedtime story, if it hadn't been so long he'd forgotten. He got upset  
then, but tried to hide it, and said he'd tell me a better one, a human  
lullaby, that one of his greatest friends had told him long ago, and he said  
her name was Kathryn Janeway. I tried to tell him who she was, but he wouldn't  
listen either, and Mom interrupted, telling him she had spoken to a Kathryn  
Janeway at the power distribution facility, and maybe it was his friend, and he  
looked startled and very, very pleased. They forgot all about the bedtime story  
then, and kissed me quickly and left, talking all the way to the hallway.  
  
He came back the next day, and every day after that for several days, and took  
Mom to adult places and me to kids places. Lieutenant Torres watched me one  
night, even though she didn't remember me (I think Uncle Tom was introducing  
her to all the parents and kids he knew), and she fell asleep on the sofa,  
holding her  
stomach and looking sad, but I didn't go anywhere (who wants to get lost on a  
planet?). Tuvok and Mom came back later, and thought B'Elanna and I were asleep  
together on the sofa, and she was, but I wasn't, and he touched her sides and  
she wrapped her arms around his neck and they kissed, I mean really kissed,  
like Uncle Tom and B'Elanna always do.   
  
And then I got up and tried to tell him he shouldn't kiss my Mom like that  
because he wasn't my father and 'Tuvok, but you're married.', and that got his  
attention, all right, but not like I wanted. He told me that Mom was lonely and  
that his wife had died years ago, and it was time for him to move on, and  
besides, how did I know about her? I think he was beginning to remember, and I  
probably scared him by knowing stuff too, and he wanted to ask me more, but  
B'Elanna woke up and was really embarrassed because she had fallen asleep 'on  
duty' and he said she looked tired and offered to see her home and they left.  
He looked really distracted every time I saw him after that, and he never  
kissed my mother again. I wonder if I made him stop, and that's sad, because  
they were really happy.  
  
Tuvok came to our place several more times before we came back to Voyager, but  
the last was different, and he stood at the doorway looking all stiff and I  
knew he remembered who he was then, because when Mom reached up to hug him he  
almost grimaced but didn't, and looked sad, and gently pushed her back, and  
told her formally 'Samantha, I must speak to your daughter alone.' She let me  
go, looking really puzzled, and he walked me down to a sweet shop, and sat very  
precisely and grimly while I ate, and told me that he 'regretted not heeding my  
earlier claims' and that I 'must remain with my mother at all costs' until he  
could get us back to Voyager, and he told me that was an order. He took me  
home, and didn't stay long, which hurt Mom, but I understood, because it was  
very, very hard for him, and I know he really loved her, at least a little, but  
he wasn't free to show it anymore, was he?   
  
The next day Mom sat me down and told me that she had heard that Tuvok was  
really, really sick and in the hospital and we might never see him again, and  
she cried, and I wanted to help, but I'm just a kid, and even if I can help  
sometimes on Voyager, I didn't know what to do on Quarra, except wait. And I  
did, and pretended that I was sick so that Mom wouldn't go to work for several  
days, and Seven and the Captain and the Commander and Harry and Neelix rescued  
us, and we went home, but its kind of sad. I really miss Quarra, it was very  
pretty, and Mom wasn't lonely, and Tuvok smiled. I had an almost real family.  
Nuclear, Seven says, not the atomic kind though.   
  
Mom says its all right, even natural, to wish for perfect happiness, but also  
to remember what I would have had to leave behind...Voyager, and the crew, and  
my job as Captain's Assistant. Nobody would have a chance to get back to the  
Alpha Quadrant, and I wouldn't ever see my real father, and Tuvok's family  
would miss him deeply, and Uncle Tom might never have known his daughter was  
his daughter, even if he and Lieutenant Torres were really close. I guess she's  
right, even if Tuvok doesn't smile anymore and Mom is a little more lonely than  
ever, and the Captain looks really tired and beat down. I just wish I'd heard  
that bedtime story, so I could share it with her since she taught it to Tuvok,  
but I guess even Voyagers can't have everything.  
  
End Log  
Captain's Assistant, Naomi Wildman 


End file.
